First Post!

Do I get a prize?  Ok no.  

So I got my period today.  Most surprising period I've had in a while.  Usually I can tell it's coming and can grab it before my undies get too messed up.  This time, however, I discovered a fucking flood of red and there was nothing I could really do.  So I had to put up with that all damn day.  Like I'm 15 again.  And the PMS I've had to quash decided it had had enough and sent me on a rampage of relatively epic proportions.  You know that red rage that takes over and makes you think everyone is a fuckwit even though you also know it's not their fault it's just your hormones? 

But the one good thing I'm going to take out of this is that the pain I've had today has been NORMAL.  For those of you with endometriosis, you'll know what I mean.  Well, if you've ever had normal periods that is.  My back was sore and I had some mild cramping, but seriously nothing that meant I wanted to drug myself to the eyeballs with mersyndol whilst at work because I can't fucking walk.  Those days are mercifully at bay.

I have two tiny little ovaries left with eggs that are probably now too old to be viable.  My chances of having a natural conception and carry to term is very low.  My AMH reading is now 11.  It was 24.  That means 11 follicles have the potential to ripen each month.  It sounds like a lot, but it isn't.  And because of my age, the likelihood of carrying a successful pregnancy to term is pretty slim.  This is very depressing.  I have been trying for nearly five years to get pregnant.  I've miscarried twice.  For me, a normal period should indicate things are working well.  My fallopian tubes are (mercifully) unscathed.  My period is regular.  Still no baby.  Although hope won't really fade until I start The Change, my way of coping with this is to assume I will not have a baby.  I'm just going to have to carry on as is.

This all has given me pause to think more about my fellow sisters.  Not just my actual sister, but all my girlfriends, many of whom I discovered have suffered in ways similar to me (not the same because endo is a bit fucked like that), as well as other women everywhere.  I've never felt more of a feminist as I do today.  I expect this feeling will only deepen as I continue my experience of being a human.  A little while ago now, a friend shared a video of this awesome guy who devised a way to make cheap sanitary pads, first for his wife, then for women everywhere.  I mean, there are men who like to grab women by the pussy and there are men who actually use their wits compassionately.  

India's Menstruation Man

Which brings me to how expensive periods are for women.  Well, how expensive being female is for women, period.  You can always stop having them by taking hormones that make you feel like a dung heap every day, not just three out of every four weeks.  Or you can have the lining of your uterus cauterized so you just don't bleed anymore.  Or you can spend the money you'd spend on hormones on tampons and pads, which while convenient, just add to the costs of being female.  When you think about it, it's all quite barbaric.  Recently trials of a male pill were ceased because too many reported depression, weight gain etc etc... sound familiar?!

Maybe we need to take a leaf out of Menstruation Man's book and make our own.  Or just buy a Diva Cup.  I'm undecided.

So this is just a first post.  What do YOU want to talk about?  Tell me and let's do it.